When you boil it down, all of us want super intimate relationships. But how do we get there? Especially with our loved ones? There’s not much out there to model from. Hard to learn from your parents. It’s not like there’s a class in school on how to have intimate relationships or even what to look for. Really, there’s not any kind of guidance. We’re all grasping at straws, feeling our way without much of a map.
And when you live in our culture, there’s some pretty strict rules about what relationships look like. We’re either watching movies like Love Actually, where a guy shows up holding poster-board that says “to me, you’re perfect” or we’re watching hardcore porn of people’s junk. When it comes to intimacy, there’s two types of trained professionals that people pay to get help: Either you’re droning on to a shrink about your problems or you might have some specific sexualized fantasies that you need to exercise. For that, you might turn to a Dominatrix.
I wanted to have a conversation about intimacy and the different creative frameworks we can use to get there with Jenny Nordbak. The has a new book out called, The Scarlet Letters: My Secret Year of Men in an LA Dungeon. Jenny had an alter-ego while she worked in Healthcare Construction. At night she was “Scarlett,” a Dominatrix. She was living a double-life, exploring all the different edges and tools meant to help unlock various gates on the way to deeper and deeper intimacy.
She did this across age ranges, genders and celebrity-statuses (her book mentions some very high-profile Hollywood types). It all took a serious turn one day when she found her Boyfriend’s phone, but I’ll let her tell you that story.
So what does intimacy look like from someone who has tried every flavor? What chapter comes next? And what can we learn as we engage with our spouse? Hopefully, we all end up with what Jenny did: The kind of addictive intimacy only available to people willing to risk it all.
Art credit: Thayer Nicholas Granstrom Bray
Music credit: Oh Wonder, Lose it